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Time Lapse


The reason I grow aged to grow old
I hear the ticking clock that turns me gray
Through times that shape my mind and make it bold
This same pace brings my body to decay.

Each generation calls another forth
The pressure of a lasting legacy
Too soon they will forget their parents worth
(Sans a favor, a check, a recipe). 

Carpets still as white as when we bought them
The china lies unbroken in its chest
Screams that once were shrill are now like diamonds
Now no more to crave than hours of rest.

An empty nest is not always “alone”-
A chance to learn to fly upon your own. 

Comments

  1. Malka D. GorbunovMarch 19, 2020 at 7:42 PM

    Some of this sonnet is really nice. In particular, I found the following lines very powerful: "Through times that shape my mind and make it bold, this same pace brings my body to decay". That expresses very well the sentiment of how time can bring a person to their best, and then move them past it as quickly. I don't really understand the first line, though. When I read, "The reason I..." I was expecting some sort of "because" to follow it, and I'm not really sure what it means this way. Also, maybe make it a bit more consistent with the meter: in the stanza starting with the word "carpets", "Carpets" and "Screams" (third line) throw off the iambic pentameter. Iambic pentameter stresses the second syllable, which isn't the case in these two lines. "Sans a favor, a check, a recipe" also isn't metrical, but I like that line so much! I don't even know if I can make any suggestion to change it, because it adds so much. Up to you. Overall, it's a thoughtful and slightly melancholy sonnet. I think it can be a really great formal poem if you slightly fix the technicality of meter.

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