If this cul-de-sac could talk
It would tells tales of break downs
tantrums & panic attacks. It would tell stories
of blood shot eyes and wordless journaling.
It is where I first put pen to paper outside
of my middle school English class. It is anything but
natural. There are trees, yes,
but even the soil feels man made, intentional.
My neighborhood could be cut out
of a magazine, spider webs and all.
So, when the uncertain world around me
crumbles to mulch at my feet. I venture out,
notebook in hand, into the
Known.
This poem is fantastic. I love the way you write and how you articulate the world around you. I think the abstract is balanced well with the concrete. Some thoughts on some lines:
ReplyDeletecul-de-sac could talk= I love the way this sounds when read out-loud. It’s clunky but in an elegant way.
It is anything but natural = this line is great…the contrast of what is vs. what feels natural is so eloquent and beautiful.
The only thing that I don’t really understand is the line “spider webs and all”- maybe I am just missing it but if there was a way you could make it clearer/ use something sharper, perhaps that could elevate the imagery of the neighborhood.
I love this poem. The way you're able to inject so much emotion into the piece, while maintaining some level of mysteriousness in the speaker's tone, is absolutely incredible. Also, the musical effects of certain phrases lend a really nice flow to the piece (ex: cul-de-sac could talk) The only thing I had a bit of trouble with is the following, (as Rachel already mentioned in her comment)-- "spider webs and all" Not sure if it's just me, but I found this detail didn't quite pack that punch that the rest of the poem so beautifully does. Beautiful job though:)
ReplyDeleteEllie, I love this poem. I found your progression from speaking from the cul-de-sac's point of view to your own to be impactful and moving. I also really enjoyed the enjambment you utilized throughout the poem; some verses ended with a period, the end of a sentence or thought, while others did not. This created for a sense of uncertainty and surprise in reading the poem which I really enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteAs Rachel and Sophia mentioned, I'm wondering if "spiderwebs and all" could be clarified a bit? Are you trying to say that even the dusty, unrefined parts of your neighborhood could find themselves into a magazine?
I do not understand the spider web thing....evn though it sounds so cool. You described the cul de sac so well. I want to sit down and write there. Oddly enough when you described the cul de sac iy sounded like a naturally hidden place. Then later it sounds like it was man made. Maybe you are reffering to writing which is natural and both unatural?! Is the known your school and your neighbourhood?
ReplyDelete